2016 New Year's Resolutions

December 27, 2015

 

Well, it’s almost the start of a New Year. Now is the ideal time for change and a fresh start. So here goes another list of hopeful resolutions I’ll half-heartedly attempt in the new year (or at least the first week and a half of January.)

 

1. Look Presentable
Countless studies find that when you “look your best, you feel your best.” I feel like it’s not a serendipitous mistake that these “studies” have never asked me to partake in their research. Whoever coined the phrase, “Sunday Best” clearly hasn’t seen me on a Sunday. Up until last week I thought the term “picture perfect” was an ironic joke because I’ve never been in such a picture. So while I may not aim to look my “best,” this year I intend to at the very least look presentable.

 

2. Wake Up Early
In theory I like the idea of being an early riser. Unfortuately it’s easier said than done. This year I will try once again to wake up earlier. In fact, I have several methods I’m applying to get out of bed. First, I do intense floor/contortion work until I roll/fall off the bed (it tests my reflexes.) Sometimes I land on my feet…but most of the time I’m on my head. Then I lie down and whimper for a while. After a period of self-pity I turn on “I Will Survive” and get moving. This year, (unlike the last) I will wake up early and ready for the day.

 

3. Eat Better
If you are what you eat then I fear my obituary will read, “Here lies Nutella and stale chips.” So this year I intend to only eat foods that my childhood self would find despicable.

 

4. Read, Write, and Meditate More
The latter is a special struggle. One second I feel like a miniature Buddha and by the time that second has passed I’ve become distracted by everything else in the room. When I meditate it looks a lot like a dog being struck by an electric fence in pursuit of a squirrel. But this year I vow to be super introspective like Buddha meets Mr. Miyagi.

 

5. Increase Cross-Training
Every year I plan on increasing my cross-training regiment. Unless that regiment involves walking to Dunkin’ Donuts across the street for a donut or tumbling down the stairs in the morning, then I’m afraid I failed this past year. In fact, the only thing I asked for on my birthday was a yoga mat. I haven’t practiced on it but it has made a very nice rug. In 2016 all that is going to change.

 

6. Take Criticism Better
This of course is an ongoing struggle that I will attempt to retackle in the New Year. A simple comment like, “point your foot” is surprisingly easy to misinterpret as “you’re fat, lazy, and stupid.” Before I know it I’m convinced that a “yo momma” joke was thrown into the mix and my moral character had been called into question. So once more I will try to be rational and take criticism constructively rather than personally.

 

7. Take Bigger Risks
When I was younger, I was the type of kid that wanted a contractor to investigate a playground slide before I went on it. Since then…not much has changed. This year I want to reach greater heights by being more daring albeit responsible in class. In addition, I want to take classes out of my comfort zone. I once tried to join the Boy Scouts and was rejected because I didn’t “fit the criteria.” Ever since then, I’ve remained content in the status quo. This year, all that’s going to be challenged so watch out clubs I’m not qualified for, I’m coming for ya!

 

8. Breaking Injury-Causing Habits
Breaking habits is one of the hardest resolutions to accomplish. Yet if you don’t face them, you’ll deal with well-foreshadowed and well-deserved consequences. Back in the day when I’d injure myself due to poor form people would say, “You’ve made your bed, now you have to lie in it.” I’d scoff and think to myself how preposterous their foolish claims were. Jokes on them…I NEVER make my bed. After years of physical therapy I finally realize the cruel irony in their reference. So when a habit I know comes up, I will valiantly attempt to fight it before it develops into something much worse.

 

9. Stop Taking the Mirror so Seriously
For most dancers this is a huge struggle. Whether it’s checking out someone else’s timing in a combination or judging every subtly of your movement, the mirror becomes a huge issue. When I was little my oldest sister told me to avoid mirrors because my face would break them and I would have seven years of bad luck. The day I realized she was full of crap was the day my bad luck of 14 years began. Life was better when I thought mirrors were like solar eclipses. This year I think I’ll return to that naïve fantasy so that I can learn through sensation without the destructive self-criticism we’re all inclined to inflict upon ourselves.

 

10. Stop Making Excuses
For all the times I was late and claimed it was because “you didn’t specify which time zone” or when I thought my turn went awry because my hair was positioned slightly too far to the left thus compromising the physics of my balance ends in 2015. This year I’ll cut myself off from all the nonsense I feed my ego (or what’s left of it by a month into the year.) So in the year 2016 you won’t hear me blame weight gain on the thyroid that I never got checked.

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